Tu vas bien Caroline (you are doing alright Caroline)? My mom asked me as she saw my latest Daily Skit video #CarolineAmiguetDailySkitorNot, after saying I was Coucou! And also, “you make me laugh…but it’s also scary to see you making those faces…”
I told her: We are all the same, or at least wish we could let it out all the time. And we know it! Everyone feels like that, I’m just sharing my process. And in fact I’m not so sure…But I think I’m ok and most importantly I’m ok with it. I also said I might be related to Jim Carrey.
For the past few months, I’ve been doing some purging which I’ve always done as an artist through my work and because of the grace of it but this time it’s some serious purging. It coincides with a class that made me focus on my instrument, my purpose and probably some mid-life milestone that makes me reassess what I truly care about and how I can be a better human being in both my life and my art.
I came up with serious shields and most importantly what I’d call the need for “Being Present” and not tagging along with what feels off to me, and saying it when it does. I’ve always been grateful for the opportunities that had been offered to me and the life I’m fortunate to live with my incredible and loving husband, my family, my friends and fur babies. Most importantly, I’m grateful for our health.
That being said I still deal with silly road bumps because progress is very important. I care about the quality and creativity of my work and hopefully its impact for a better world. We may as well! 😉
As I’ve been doing this purging, it brought to the surface a lot of deep anger that I had put aside because I don’t find it interesting to complain about one’s self to people’s ears. I’ve always been more interested in sharing ideas and making them happen than self existential “bobos” in the first world. That being said, I got brought back to my years between 4 and 7-8 years old. It made me feel the repercussions, the good ones and the bad ones it had on my development, and teenage-hood, for decades. As we know no one survives childhood without a scratch and every family has its lovely and not so lovely dynamic. I had created multiple times a defense mechanism that has served me by moving forward and focusing on the good. I never thought that I had ignored the bad things but it seems like I did, as I fell back into a black hole swimming through it. Think “Stranger Things”… I always said, never say never but really life is about phases and the core that you’ve made for yourself. I realized that my core turned into a painful rock when I dug back. It revealed a shield, multiple shields…
The people I respect tremendously are the ones who are being themselves and are giving. Not energy sucking people, let’s make it clear. I hope I don’t make you feel that way. Not the ones who think they know it all too. Just people who are themselves and are present and that don’t pull an alpha or ego. People that include too.
I’m aware that often what we don’t like in others is a mirror of ourselves so I’m watching myself here and making sure I’m not judging because it has often proven me wrong and it’s so much effort.
Time for Honesty
Have you ever realized that in our society, no one is really, truly interested in how you are doing? Even more in the industry I’m in. You have to put up a face and come up with the super high energy, smile and say great! And focus on your latest work and how busy you are with achievements. It’s like everyone knows that it’s probably not the truth and that you are not a super hero but everyone keeps rolling with it. It seems like you have to put a super power twist on every thing. But if you say things are good but today is an “ok” day but it will pass, than it’s like “uh oh”…The elevator speech has to be on, all the time. And I’m not talking about being a negative Nancy otherwise, I’m talking about just being like the weather and say: It just is, my heart is still beating though and I can smile.
The joy I’ve been feeling doing my work as an actress, voice over talent, model and as a host for the traveling videos in the past has been really a gift in my life. The people I’ve met on those sets, stages, studios, trips, the nature and wildlife I encountered too. The works I’ve done have always taught me something: To power through, to ignore the noise and to choose my battles. Don’t forget to look up! I’ve been more vocal on calling things out though since the #MeToo movement because I truly didn’t think it was that frequent and too often I let pass moments where I felt choked by people’s actions, male or female. No one likes someone who is difficult but someone who is honest is always a great asset. And that person will do the job with integrity and bring value. It will come across on the final product!
Know that my interactions with you are honest and I care. They might not always be happy but life is an emotional wheel and if we all start to agree with it we’ll be at a better place. That being said, I also focus on the business of the moment (a good term I heard lately) and realize that it’s not all about me and that it’s about knowing how to recycle for the good of our self-pity, which is probably the kid in us manifesting and demanding attention. Mommy will come back to you!
I say yes to being better humans! And embracing the entirety of us and knowing how to make ourselves better without ignoring what we are made of. My husband said to me lately when I asked him if I was acting like a teenager for loving old 90’s movies (a challenge going around about choosing movies that had an impact on you on social media). He said to me: “You are all that you ever were”. It’s some of the most beautiful words I’ve heard. That and “I’m crazy about you” from him. I feel so lucky. I love him.